question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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