he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
