May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
