We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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