Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My pussy is not your playground.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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