Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I deserve this hangover.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
