All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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