I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
