She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
