Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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