false alarm. still invincible.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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