I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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