i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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