she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
