i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
