it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
