I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
