I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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