i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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