You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
