The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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