My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
