isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
