life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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