Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
