how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
