the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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