good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
