K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
