could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
