I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
