I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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