were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
