My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
