She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
