I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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