I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
