this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am one with the molecules
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
