new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
