The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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