Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
