Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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