I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
