i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
