help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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