I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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