is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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