the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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