I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
