I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
