I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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