She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to cum in my sink.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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